The Voice That Makes Me Recoil: Why I Believe Paul Was Not Who He Claimed

The Voice That Makes Me Recoil: Why I Believe Paul Was Not Who He Claimed

For years, I've grappled with the figure of Paul in the Christian tradition. While many see him as the cornerstone of Gentile Christianity, I cannot shake the profound sense of unease, even revulsion, his words and actions evoke in me. To put it plainly, I believe Paul was a manipulator, a weaver of confusion, and his influence has led many astray. This isn't a conclusion reached lightly; it stems from reading his own words and filtering them through a life unfortunately marked by decades of abuse, which has made me acutely sensitive to the very tactics I see him employ.

Like a sheep knows its shepherd's voice, I feel a resonance with the words attributed to Jesus – a call to simplicity, love, and righteousness that feels authentic and clear. But when I turn to Paul, that clarity vanishes, replaced by something else entirely. His voice causes me to recoil. It doesn't sound like the Master; it sounds like a usurper.

One of the most jarring aspects is Paul's approach to the Law and circumcision. He seems to sow deliberate confusion. While Jesus stated he did not come to abolish the Law or the Prophets (Matthew 5:17), Paul embarks on a campaign that effectively sidelines the Law, particularly for Gentiles. His intense focus on the circumcision debate feels less like theological clarification and more like creating a wedge issue. It's worth remembering that circumcision wasn't exclusive to the Israelites; ancient Egyptians and other cultures practiced it. By making it such a divisive point, was Paul truly liberating Gentiles, or was he strategically dismantling established tradition to build his own following, distinct from the Jerusalem apostles? The conflict and confusion surrounding this issue seem to serve his purpose of establishing his unique brand of faith.

Then there's the way Paul handles dissent and asserts his authority. Consider his pronouncement in Galatians: "But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God's curse!" (Galatians 1:8). Is this the confidence of truth, or the heavy hand of manipulation? To call down a curse on anyone – even an angel – who disagrees sounds less like reasoned argument and more like an attempt to shut down questioning through fear. It’s a tactic to demand conformity, not invite understanding. This pattern of aggressively defending his apostleship and denigrating opponents surfaces repeatedly in his letters.

Having endured 40 years of manipulation and abuse, my spirit has become highly attuned to these kinds of power plays. I recognize the language of control, the dismissal of others' concerns, the assertion of absolute authority, and the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) threats against those who dare to challenge. In Paul's writings, I see echoes of the very dynamics that caused me so much pain. It triggers a deep-seated alarm, a recognition of someone demanding allegiance through force of personality and pronouncements rather than earning trust through humility and consistency with the Master he claims to serve.

Therefore, when I read the Gospels, I hear a call I recognize. When I read Paul, I hear a different voice – one that clashes, one that seeks to control, one that brings down curses, and one that, in my opinion, led the flock down a different path. It is a voice my spirit instinctively rejects. I believe Paul was a liar, skillfully manipulating doctrine and people to establish his own authority, forever altering the course of the faith.